“She looketh out as the sun set, her eyes squinted-eth into thin slits alike in countenance–”
“Mom! Sam won’t stop narrating me!” The loud whine is accompanied by a louder slap.
“Ow!” Sam rubs his arm.
“I did not hit you that hard,” Jules says.
“Sam, stop it, please,” Dad sighs with all the energy he has left to spare after driving for five hours in the bland landscape of South Dakota. Four more hours to go. Each of the seven passengers has contemplated jumping out of the car, Lady Bird style, at least twice. Even Luke, who is trapped in a car seat and too young to have seen Lady Bird.
“I’m bored!” Sam groans, spreading his legs wide in the middle of the back seat.
“So it everybody else, you brat,” Becca says, twisting with her book to get away from his flailing limbs.
“Ow!” Sam yells, curling up on himself.
“Jules, stop hitting your brother,” Mom says, only because she knows she can’t get away with hitting him herself.
“How much longer 'til we get there?” Luke asks around the nearly-finished sucker stick in his mouth. His feet kick against the back of the passenger seat.
“Don’t do that!” Mom yells. “How many times do I have to tell you?”
Tessa glances up from Angry Birds long enough to read the GPS. “Four more hours.”
“Ewwwww,” Sam says, throwing his head back towards the trunk dramatically.
“Grandpa’s gonna be dead already by the time we get there,” Becca says.
“Becca!” Mom exclaims. “That is not funny!” Becca shrugs and returns to her book.
“Can I have a turn with the iPad?” Jules asks.
“I have fifteen more minutes,” Tessa says.
“No, it’s my turn next,” Sam says.
“Why can’t I have the iPad?” Luke asks, kicking Mom’s seat again.
“You just had a turn!” Jules says.
“Don’t do that!” Mom yells.
“Ow!” Sam exclaims.
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” Becca mutters, curling as far into her corner as she can to escape the sudden tangle of small limbs and screaming.
“Hey, hey, hey!” Dad yells over everyone until they settle back into quiet. “You know the rules, and so do I. Nobody gets the iPad if you fight over it.”
“But Dad–” Sam whines.
“Nope. Shut it.” Dad glares at the endless road. “If anyone speaks in the next hour, they are going to be grounded.”
“This family makes me want to murder people,” Becca says under her breath.
“Dad! Becca talked!” Smack! “Ow!”
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